Reaching Outward

One principle has become ingrained in my mind over the past few years more than any other and it is this: as we turn towards Jesus Christ and rely on him we will feel of his love for us.

He is anxious to help us feel His love wherever we are, and He is even more anxious that He be able to manifest that love for us as we serve others. I have one specific time in my life where my belief in this has been strengthened. This experience has left me with an unabashed conviction that we must reach outward to feel a fullness of this love.

In the winter of 2014 I began to develop insecurities about my relationship with God and Jesus Christ. I’d been living in Mbale, Uganda working for an organization focused on sustainable development work. The nature of my work brought me to and through many devastating circumstances that quickly popped the secure and stable bubble I’d been functioning in. I had lived in a developing country before and faced similar situations, but in Africa it became too much to handle and seemingly impossible to comprehend.

I began to be faced with questions that provoked doubt and distanced me from feeling the Love of God for myself and others. Questions like: “If God is real why would he allow people to live and suffer in this way?" "Does God really care about each and every one of us?" and lastly, "how is it possible for him to have a personal relationship with all of us?"  

What I was witnessing on a day-to-day basis are not unfamiliar scenarios to many of you. You don’t have to visit a developing country to face poverty or homelessness. For me, these problems had just never been so up-front and personal. They thus became overwhelming and ultimately led me to doubt that God and Christ were as aware of us as I’d always believed. I began to turn inward and relied on myself for affirmation and strength. The more I turned away the more distant and alone I felt. My faith was not only crumbling at the different types of pain and suffering I was witnessing, but it was faltering because of my own trials and hardships as well.

Elder John Groberg perfectly stated in his general conference address titled “The Power of God’s Love” an innate desire I wasn’t connecting with during this time:

“Since all love emanates from God, we are born with the capacity and the desire to love and to be loved. One of the strongest connections we have with our premortal life is how much our Father and Jesus loved us and how much we loved them. Even though a veil was drawn over our memory, whenever we sense true love, it awakens a longing that cannot be denied. Responding to true love is part of our very being. We innately desire to reconnect here with the love we felt there. Only as we feel God’s love and fill our hearts with His love can we be truly happy.”


This quote reminds us that not only is God’s love everlasting, but it is given to us with the hopes that we might use it to connect with him and others.

So if His love is so easily accessible and seemingly always there, why is it so easy to forget about and feel distanced from? 

Because life is hard. 

Distractions and trails are around every corner. Satan’s plans revolves entirely around trying to push us to forget that we are loved. I have learned that forgetting is always a choice and that distancing ourselves is the first step in that process. It wasn’t until that winter in Uganda that I began to understand this why fighting to feel this love is worth it:

It was my job as the Country Director of the program I was with to take thank you gifts out to each of the partners we had been working with for the last four months. The partner organization was a school located two hours away (by motorcycle) from the city I was staying in. I found a driver that was willing to take me out but I was running late from another project and ended up not arriving at the school until late afternoon. Realizing that I didn’t have much time before it was too dark to catch a ride back to the city I rushed into the school and had a brief visit with the principal. He actually ended our meeting early as he informed me that I needed to leave soon because a big rainstorm was coming. I hustled out to the village where I was able to convince one of the motorcycle drivers to take me back and try and beat the rainstorm. After 30 minutes or so of driving it began to rain. At first it was light enough that we could continue on safely. Five minutes after that it was coming down in buckets. I have never felt rain that heavy or strong. The road became slick and unsafe and my driver slowed. Our clothes were soaked through and I was freezing. After another five minutes he stopped and pulled over. We were a few miles between villages and not another soul was in sight. As he came to a stop I got off,  assuming that he was going to as well. As soon as I got off he started to drive away. I didn’t realize what was happening until he was well on his way. He had left me behind.

All of the sudden it was as if the rain was a little harder and the sky a little bit darker. My feelings and thoughts about my situation plummeted as I realized I didn’t know what I was going to do to get home. I had never felt so alone. The anxiety, depression, and hopelessness I’d harbored over the past months overtook me. I pictured myself then and began to imagine what I must look like to him. I saw myself standing there on that road with him looking down on me; a small speck. 

As my phone battery had died I didn’t have a way to call anyone. I considered walking to the next village but was worried about walking in any direction alone. I stood contemplating for a few minutes before I came to the conclusion that my most immediate solution would be to pray. Helpless and unsure I offered up one of the first prayers I’d said in months asking for help and comfort. It was short and felt awkward and unfamiliar. I began to cry as I weakly asked for something that felt unlikely.

Not even a minute after I ended my prayer I began to faintly hear the whisper of a rumble. I didn’t dare believe it because having taken this road many times before I knew that cars rarely traveled along it. But there it was nonetheless. A little pickup truck, slowly barreling around the muddy, pot-holed corner. The truck hesitantly pulled over and I happily realized it was full of other NGO workers who quickly informed me they were headed to the same place I was. They let me join them and as I hopped into the back of the truck I felt something I will never forget:

Love. 

Washing through me, accompanied by a silent whisper of words that seemed to pierce my soul:  

"I know who you are, I know what you need, I am with you, and I love you." 

I look back at this experience and marvel at the way I was able to feel love from the moment I reached, however feebly, out to him. 

It was a good reminder of something President Thomas S. Monson has promised us: 


 “Your Heavenly Father loves you—each of you. That love never changes,” . “It is not influenced by your appearance, by your possessions, or by the amount of money you have in your bank account. It is not changed by your talents and abilities. It is simply there. It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve love. It is simply always there”

My little brother is currently serving a mission in El Salvador. He is so happy there. The happiest he has ever been. He has also been experiencing poverty and the lifestyles of many who live in developing countries. A few months ago he wrote home with an experience that I believe perfectly exemplifies how we can recognize that the happiness and peace we feel in our lives comes from the Love of Jesus Christ and is easily manifest as we serve others:   

“This week on Thursday, while teaching Jefferson, Abigael, and Gerardo, in a moment more serious in the lesson (they are kids so there aren't a whole lot of those moments) Jeferson was staring at us. In a pause of the teaching, Jeferson asked, "Why are you guys here? Why did you choose to leave everything to be missionaries?" It left me a little surprised and we let the silence sit a few moments. In response to his question, I asked him, "Jefer what do we teach about?" "The gospel of Jesus" he 
said. Then my companion asked him, "Why do you think we teach about the gospel of Jesus Christ?" and Jefer just said, "You must really love Him."  And I loved his answer. 


“It also gave us the chance to testify about the gospel. It set me thinking though. I came on the mission for a lot of reasons but while I've been here, I found one reason and it's the best reason. I love it here and I have fun and I am happy but I know that those are direct results of the love I have for my savior. There is no other explanation for the intensity of the feelings I have about my mission. I know Christ lives. I know he loves me.”

I have also been asked me to share a little bit about the humanitarian efforts of the church. There are so many different facets of church service. In the short time I have worked In the Humanitarian Department I have been able to witness the church’s incredible ability to relieve, uplift, support, and help so many people all around the world. This can be attributed to all of the faithful members who assist and play parts in this effort. Whether by their own time or their willingness to pay their tithing and fast offerings.

All across the world the church partners with organizations offering financial assistance and support towards causes like homelessness, immigration, mental health, refugee support, transitional support, abuse, youth development, and education. These are organized efforts with partnerships chosen after careful consideration as to where the church’s humanitarian efforts should go.

Often the echo of my mind as I witness these programs in action is a line from my favorite scripture in Mosiah 2:17:

“When you are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God.”

Members all over the world serve others as they reach out in the ways that they can. They are reminders to me of something that Elder Kearon spoke about in his 2015 conference address entitled:  “Refugee from the Storm.”  

He stated:

“The Lord has instructed us that the stakes of Zion are to be “a defense” and “a refuge from the storm.”11 We have found refuge. Let us come out from our safe places and share with them, from our abundance, hope for a brighter future, faith in God and in our fellowman, and love that sees beyond cultural and ideological differences to the glorious truth that we are all children of our Heavenly Father.

I can’t think about the plight of refugees all over the world without getting emotional. I am saddened by their experiences and situations. I have been able to associate with many of them through my job. They are kind, and good, and full of love. I can’t even begin to comprehend or understand their trials and I don’t necessarily understand why they have to go what they do. But I get to see the help they are receiving and the love that is coming along with it. I get to see some ways that Christ is looking out for them. I am comforted knowing that he is watching over them just as he is watching over you and I.

Elder Uchdtorf captured this when he stated:

“When we truly understand what it means to love as Jesus Christ loves us, the confusion clears and our priorities align. Our walk as disciples of Christ becomes more joyful. Our lives take on new meaning. Our relationship with our Heavenly Father becomes more profound. Obedience becomes a joy rather than a burden.”

I hope I've been able to convey in some small way the love I have for God and my Savior. I know that the life can be hard but I also know that it can be good. I know that trials can seem like too much to bear, but I also know that is why we have been given a Savior. I know that sometimes it seems easier to try and rely on ourselves to push through, but I also know that if we instead rely on the love that is readily available to us we will feel peace, hope, and joy through it all.